Saturday, December 01, 2007

Am I nuts?

So, what do you think... am I nuts? Earlier, Nikki was telling me that she thinks I have Anxiety Disorder. Sometimes, people walking near my room or the front door opening stresses me out really bad, and the phone ringing sometimes even makes me hyperventilate. I told my mom and SHE thinks I have depression, and that I freak out because I want to be isolated. I don't think I do want to be isolated though. My mom suggested, I donno, mental help or something. As if I would ever let me mind would ever become an open forum for administrating. DX That's worse than that of people messing with my computer.

I want to get a job (No I don't, not a bit. I want people to stop bugging me to get a job. I want to not have to get a job) and if I had a job I would do it without complaint. But I have an unnatural dread of job applications, interviews, and going to places in search of jobs. Anyways, my mom says that she'll make sure I get to see Niki this week only if I go look for jobs as well, which is ironic. When my paranoia and panic attacks get bad I think of bad scenarios all the time, and one of the ones I thought up earlier were my folks saying "If you don't find a job in one week, you're grounded from seeing Nikki for a year." I know they aren't very similar, but for some reason it freaked me out really bad. (as if that means anything XD)

NEWAYS. When my nieces and I were little, we played wolves all the time (and sometimes still do, actually) so for x-mas, I'm going character sheets of wolves for them. This one is Megan's wolf, Ally's is coming next. I might do a character sheet for Nikki's wolf as well, although she just looks like an older version of her fursona. If I'm really ambitious I'll draw my wolf, who looks like a wolf version of my fursona.


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